Everyone has been doing a lot of grousing about the Democrats’ latest plan to resurrect the infamous “Fairness Doctrine”. Doom and gloom for the future of conservative talk radio is the order of the day.

But wait! It is all about “fairness”, so lets look at the bright side. Here is what I see coming out of it to benefit conservatives and Republicans.

The editors and staff writers of the New York Times, Boston Globe, Washington Post, L.A. Times, and all other leading newspapers must be half conservative Republicans. That’s certainly fair.

Katie Couric and all the other evening news broadcasters must leave their shows at the half way mark and turn them over to their conservative counterparts. Yup.

Keith Olbermann must allot exactly one half of his “Worst Person” awards to persons chosen by someone of a less radical persuasion. Bill O’Reilly would fit in nicely for this. If you really want to be fair, and I do, lets let O’Reilly’s staff write exactly half of Olbermann’s nightly, show ending rants. I am sure Olbermann will deliver them with his usual flair and passion. Hey, maybe someone would even watch the show too!

Since Rosie O’Donnell has left her post at “The View”, it is a good opportunity to balance the “views” of the on-screen talent. Lets see, we now have one conservative lady and two lefties. O.K., to make the show “fair” we need another conservative. I think someone like Michelle Malkin would fit the bill here. And, oh by the way, we have to balance the applause and cheering of the audience also. I want to be fair.

“Hardball” is also not fair. Lets get Chris Matthews a partner with balancing views. How about Larry Elder! I am sure they would get along famously. And, oh I forgot, the second half of every show would be Ann Coulter calling in unexpectedly on the telephone to attack whatever liberal guest Matthews is interviewing. That would certainly be fair!

What! You think I am being naive! You think that all of the restrictions will go against conservatives? Well, that would not be fair!

About a month ago, the Kennedy-McCain Immigration Bill was introduced. As I remember the details back then, it appeared that John McCain had sneaked into the enemy camp (again) and smoked the peace pipe with old Ted (again). At any length, the bill was presented by the media as being entirely a “Senate deal”, with compromises on both sides. Ted was even on "Inside Politics" and "Face the Nation" to discuss “his” bill.

Now, a month later, the bill is “deader than Kelsey’s nuts” and what do we hear from the reliable Main Stream Media? We hear that the immigration bill is now a defeat for George Bush! Wait a minute! What happened to Ted? He has disappeared behind the magic curtain like a Vegas magician.

So, when will Ted Kennedy make his miraculous reappearance? He will pop back on stage seconds after the bill receives a successful vote in the Senate; taking his bows (and all the credit).

However, if the bill stays dead, will Ted remain “disappeared”?

Naa, no one can pull off a trick THAT good.

A few years ago, our niece came from Taiwan to visit my wife and me, and to take some English classes at our local community college (yes, she paid full-price, out-of-state tuition fees). Her visa was good for six months.

She wanted to take a few more classes after the first semester, so we decided to extend her visa for an additional six months. After a wasted trip to the immigration office in downtown Los Angeles, we were told to send an application to an office in Laguna Hills, California, along with the I-94 form (their entry/exit record) which was stapled in her passport. At this point, she had been here about four months.

As the sixth month of her stay approached, we became concerned that we had not heard anything from the immigration service regarding her extension. I tried to call the telephone number for the office in Laguna Hills that had her paperwork, but the number only connected to a set of pre-recorded messages.

After several attempts at calling different numbers, I finally spoke to a “real” person. I explained that we were concerned because our niece’s visa was about to expire and we had not heard anything from his office. He was not worried. He said that we would hear from them soon. I asked him if it was O.K. for her to still be in the country and he thought it would be fine. This whole conversation took place, by the way, without his ever asking her name. He had no idea who she was.

About three months later (about nine months into her visit) we received an envelope in the mail from the immigration office. The only item in the envelope was her I-94 card, which was submitted with the application. No letter. No Approval. No new date stamped on her I-94 form. She stapled the I-94 card back in her passport and left a couple of months later.

It is no wonder people come to the United States on visitor’s visas and never leave. I don’t think any government agency knows (or even cares about) all the people here on expired visas. There is no point in building a secure border fence, if everyone with a plane ticket and a visitor’s visa can fly right over it.